Category: Parenting

Wish I Could Sleep

It’s about 3:20a.m here in Philadelphia, and yet here I am drinking a cup of coffee. I can feel the weight of sleep on my eye lids, but my mind has other plans.

I am on paternity leave again. My wife, daughter and I welcomed our son just last Wednesday. I swear this little bundle of joy was going to set a record for how much formula a new born could stomch–seemed like ever hour since about 12 he was crying to be fed.

I am writing merely to say I wrote. Recently i posted about a work in progress, a story I am currently working on; however,there hasn’t been much progress lately. But this project I am working on is something bigger than just another erotic story I post on my blog. It holds the potential to be something more, so I will view it as a goal, a deep desire to make it more than just a blog post.

I am always a little bit leary to post photos of my kids, but as a proud dad, I just cannot help myself, so here goes

Letter to My Daughter

Dear Naomi,

Today, your brother Manny will be born. Mommy and Daddy are really excited to meet him and to see how you two will get along. My prayer has been that you will share a strong, endearing bond.

I apologize for not writing to you more often. I’ve wanted to-and not to make excuses but, Daddy has been very tired and very busy these last few months.

I always wonder when you read these letters will you ask yourself, “Why did Dad always say he loves me?” Maybe you will, maybe you won’t, but just in case, I’ll tell you. A father’s love and affection towards his daughter is vital in her young age. It helps to build confidence and self worth. I want you to know what real love is, it’s not just a feeling, its putting those feelings into action.

When we found out you were a girl, I spent the rest of your mother’s pregnancy planning to shower you with hugs, kisses, and compliments.

Naomi, always remember this: Daddy loves you no matter what. You will disappoint me, even make me angry, but I will still love you. Most importantly my dear, you can never escape the love and compassion of Jesus. He loves you more than I ever could!

You are currently two and a half years old, but when you read this understand something: today, Emmanuel James Still will be born. He will not replace the love I have for you in my heart, he is not your competition. I love you both deeply, it is a love you cannot understand until you have children of your own. You will always be my Pretty Lil’ Brown skin Baby, and my heart is big enough to love you and your brother.

So while today may not be about you, just know that you are still on my mind, and hold a special place in my heart.

Love you to the moon and back

-Dad

No Sleep Till… a Year Old?

Here I am, the last week of my paternity leave. I hear the sounds of the city slowly waking; buses lumbering down the avenue, a car rushing to make the light. I have been awake, since sometime yesterday morning.

It was 48 degrees Fahrenheit and windy when I left to get us coffee at 4:50am. Naomi, our daughter flipped out at ten last night. My wife very gently laid her in the bassinette, and before she could turn her back, the almost non-stop wailing began. It is hard not get angry, or be frustrated. She is only 3 weeks old, so I practice deep breathing, I pray, I tell Naomi I love her, and I kiss her. Then my wife takes over when she sees I am running  out of steam. It is a balancing act, parenting.

I found that fact out the first night Naomi came home from the hospital. Like last night and into this morning, she barely slept. My wife so good at soothing her, me? At the time, not so much. The following morning with exasperation in my voice I said, “I can’t do the whole calming thing. I can get up change a diaper, and feed her a bottle, but I need you to calm her down.”

My coffee is getting cold, and I sit here trying to poetically describe my thoughts and feelings as a new dad. Let’s just say I am stoked, and I truly love this precious little girl. I truly just wish she could sleep through the night. So as the city begins to awaken, I must find ways of keeping myself up to get the day rolling.