Tag: Marriage

From Within

They did not go to Sunday service. There was a rift between them that needed tending to. As the little one babbled over breakfast, he attempted to speak healing words to his wife. His hopes were that she could move on from the past, just let it go. With earnest ignorance, he was unable to understand why it still bothered her so. She had everything she was told she wouldn’t, a husband, a home, a child, an education, she had the beauty, style, and grace some lacked.

In only a few swift words, he realized too how he held onto the past; how ironic, all this time he was ready to analyze her and express his wish of putting the past in the trash, and here he was; still being mastered by childhood memories that had not quite healed.

As she spoke her peace, he realized what role he played in all of this. Sabotage from within–yes, that is exactly what it was. His indecisiveness about what he wanted, the pain of past let downs constantly hovering, clouding reality, obstructing his perception of things. He pondered for quite some time how his behavior, his lack of self-examination, and then prideful self examination, even feelings of frustration came to be an imploding device in his relationship. For as self-aware as he was, it was he who was sabotaging their marriage. Impatience, lack of understanding, yes he was to blame. Could it be he lit a fire and blamed her? Could it be he held in one hand a canister of fuel and a match in the other, looking to her as the culprit? Indeed, for he allowed the past to become a voice which tyrannized his present routine. It kept him air tight, unaware of the anguish his spouse carried within her aching heart.

If there is a lesson to be learned, he gathered it was not just careful self-examination. Giving her space to express her heart without timidity and acknowledging his imperfections with acceptance. He would pray more earnestly for humility and strength. He would put down the fuel and matches and begin again to build instead of being the chaotic mischief behind the sabotage from within.

-SpKn

 

Second Anniversary!

I swore I would be able to blog over the weekend about this, but alas, Sunday was Taryn and I’s second wedding anniversary! I am very excited and thankful to God as He has been growing us together, and while it is a struggle, we have fought to keep our focus on Him.

 Sunday morning we got up and began making breakfast and as we were prepping/cooking, we began to talk about what we had learned from the other and how we had seen ourselves grow over the last two years. Now before I begin, Taryn and I did not live together before getting married, although we dated for six years and one day upon getting married. We both moved out from our parents’ homes and into our own, which was scary and exciting.

So yeah we’re talking and Taryn tells me that over the last two years she has learned a lot from me about cars. I was stoked! I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear! She’s all like, “Yeah I learned a lot about cars, stuff like oil changes, transmissions flushes, and suspension. You think I’m not listening but I am.” I’m smiling even as I type this. I kinda puffed my chest out a little as if to say, “Yeah, I’m the man, I done taught my Mrs. a thing or two about car maintenance.”

As for me, over these last two years I have learned a lot about prayer, and the important role it plays in any relationship. Its not that Taryn is some difficult woman who is hard to love, quite the contrary, she is actually very sweet, kind, caring, just an all around loveable person. The problem is me! I’m selfish! I want my way, I want what I want when I want it! I get frustrated, impatient, irritated at small things that often are an extension of stress/frustration from other people. I am not trying to make myself out to seem like an ogre, but really folks, aren’t we all selfish? When I told Taryn that I learned a lot about prayer, she looked disappointed, and I had to explain to her that as a human, I am naturally selfish,and that I have to pray to love selflessly.

Because of my prayers, the Holy Spirit has kept me from starting so many pointless, petty, childish arguments! Because of my prayers I have seen myself listen a little better, care a little more, and be just a bit more patient with Taryn, life, and myself. I also have learned the importance of laying my wife at the feet of Christ on a daily basis. I take it personal when Satan fights her with anxiety, fear, or any other negative emotion.
These last two years have been a huge blessing. I have seen a lot of growth in myself and in Taryn. I would like to encourage any man reading this to pray and pray often. Pray while you’re in the car, pray while you’re in the shower, if you can, pray while you’re at work. Pray for unity in your marriage, pray for fidelity, sexual purity, sexual intimacy, pray that Christ would teach you to lead lovingly, pray for humility, pray against ANY attack Satan may have planned for your wife. Follow Christ as boldly and as humbly as possible. I do not mean to talk as if my wife and I have been through it all, but I have sat at the feet of my father, who has been married for over 35 years, I listen to my pastors who seek God fiercely for their wives and families. I ask that you listen to me on this one point, whether you have been married two months, two years, or over twenty five years, prayer is essential for a healthy marriage.

-Charles

Ps. I feel like I got off track in this blog, forgive me, I am a little distracted thinking about my next blog post.

Marriage, and the Pursuit of Her

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This is my wife, Taryn. We met eight years ago through a mutual friend’s MySpace page. I was a senior in high school and she was a junior. And now here we are married, going on two years (August 3rd to be precise… I think…No I’m just kidding). Boy, would ya’ look at that smile?! She’s gorgeous! People see our pictures together and they always comment, “You guys always look so happy together!”

The truth is, we are! I was blessed to marry my best friend!

That smile. What does it take to keep it radiant, beautiful, and irresistible? I told Taryn recently that I wanted to pursue her romantically. I wanted to put aside my tendency towards selfishness and be more affectionate. So I go on Facebook and pose a challenge to my fellow married friends. I said, “Let’s band together to encourage one another to pursue our wives!” No one took me up on it. But! I didn’t care, I was like screw it, I’ll do it by myself.
Last week was Taryn’s birthday. I had been wanting to do this for her anyway, but I cleaned the whole house, left instructions for her at the front door, I ran her a bubble bath, and gave her a massage. I wasn’t looking for sex, I wasn’t looking to get anything out of it. My desire was purely to indulge her, to romance her.

The Pursuit of Her–simply put, what does it take for us husbands to keep our wives radiant, beautiful, and extraordinary?

I had to come to the conclusion that I don’t want an ordinary marriage in which my wife begs for my attention. I don’t want her to wander into another man’s arms because I lack affection, I don’t want to dissolve our marriage because I think only of my needs. So with this I’d like to close with a prayer;

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gift of marriage. I pray that you would guide me, and all husbands in the pursuit of our wives. May we keep you first in all that we do, guide us with your Holy Spirit. Help us to keep our hearts pure, and our eyes focused. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

-Charlie